With a Willing Heart

Lunch with friends

2010-11-05T14:03:00.000-07:00

So I agreed to treat my girls to an Orange Lunch: macaroni & cheese, mandarin oranges and carrots. (Though, I forgot the carrots!!)

The girls decided to set up a picnic in the living room.

Special guests included:
Puppy, Sydney, Horsey, Katelyn and Baby Emma.

All in a days work for the Adams girls. Gotta love it!!

Family Play Time

2010-09-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

I love that my kids look forward to playing with Daddy when he gets home from work.

The other day, the girls invited him to play Duck, Duck, Goose with their "buddies" (stuffed animals.)

Meanwhile, Austin was up a nearby tree!!!

I love my family!

Attachment, Isaiah and God

2010-09-29T00:26:00.000-07:00

Over the last few years, I have been learning a lot about "attachment."

It is common for kids who have been in foster care or are adopted to experience some form of Attachment Disorder. As an adoptive parent, I have a felt need to understand it more fully.

Attachment Disorder is defined as the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships. They typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust. They do not allow people to be in control of them due to this trust issue.

What causes this? It can be fairly simple...

(To see more, click here.)

The baby in the first cycle, learns to EXPECT the care-giver to meet needs. The baby in the disturbed cycle learns to EXPECT that the needs will NOT be met.

As I have studied this, I have learned that the brain does not develop properly. The child feels neglected in the moment and the brain never learns to respond as a normal brain does. The brain development is compromised with long-lasting effects. The good news, it can be retrained.

Why am I rambling on about this?
Well, this week I have been contemplating my attachment to my Father, God.

It started with my Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) lesson. The notes on Isaiah 1, talked about how Israel was God's child by a deliberate choice on God's part. In other words, God adopted Israel.

Isaiah 1:3 talks about an ox and a donkey each knowing it's master. Even a simple-minded animal forms attachment. Yet, Israel does not attach to God. They hardly recognize God's provision for them.

Why? They did not trust God to meet their needs, so they stopped crying out to Him.

Let's backtrack:
In Genesis, God created man & woman. They were in perfect communion with the Father. Then that darn "apple" was eaten! Sin entered the world. Suddenly Adam & Eve were detached from the Father. Sin separated them.

So, what happened?
Adam & Eve had a need - they could have cried out to God, but instead tried to take care of it themselves- the need was not met- trust was not developed.

And so this cycle was inherited by us all:
We all have needs- we try to meet them ourselves (through media, other people, food, pleasure) - but that need is never met, we are left wanting- we learn not to trust anyone.
The cycle begins again.

What's more, just like a child with attachment disorder, we fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust. We do not allow God to be in control of us due to this trust issue.

Yet, just as a brain can be retrained to develop attachments (painstaking work, but possible,) so can our wills be retrained to develop attachments with our Father.

It all goes back to crying out to have our needs met. We have a God who is perfect. He WILL meet our needs- WHEN we CRY out to Him.

Healthy Spiritual Attachment Cycle:
We have a need- we actually take it to the Lord- He will ALWAYS meet that need- trust develops.

How much easier will it be next time to take it to the Lord? We will soon EXPECT him to meet our needs.

Oh Lord, help me to take every need to you as I KNOW you meet my every need. Help me trust you fully. Attach me to yourself.

Move that Bus!

2010-09-20T23:57:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah- you may have heard the buzz..... Extreme Makeover Home Edition (EMHE) came to town!

I have to admit that enjoy watching the show when I can. Often, I turn it on just in time for the "reveal." Just in time to shed some tears (every time!)

Well, to see it first hand... overwhelming.

EMHE came to the Oregon School for the Deaf. They built a new residence hall and then remodeled their haunted house: the main fund-raising tool for the school.

Here some glimpses into their week in town....
1. I actually teared up when I saw a plane flying over heading with a banner stating "Good Morning Oregon School for the Deaf!"

2. The bus pulled up to surprise students, staff and friends at a picnic. My friend, Genie was attending the picnic and got to be surprised! I can't even imagine!

3. Kerick (as well as many friends of ours) were able to volunteer some time. He said it was amazing how everything was organized.

4. Some of the students were sent to Minnesota to go to a hearing clinic and get hearing aids- many for the first time. An ASL interpreter from our church accompanied them. I can't wait to talk with her about it!

5. Our other friend, Araya, also interpreted here. She told me she was amazed by the generosity of the people helping students with hearing aids.

6. Then, one of my favorite stories is about our friend Kara. She was able to get a free hearing test from the EMHE group. She knew she had hearing loss and sort of drug her feet to go. She had no idea that they would fit her with state of the art hearing aids for Free! She just got her "new ears" on Friday and FULLY heard her kids' voices for the first time! sweet!

7. I drug the kids over for the big "reveal" of the dorm.
Let's just say- there was a lot of waiting....

But the time finally came to Move That Bus!!!
The cameramen positioned themselves....

The bus drove to the side....

The students and staff rejoiced! The hands waving is the sign language for clapping!

Even though we were in the non-VIP section, I wouldn't trade it. We could actually see them react. I can't wait to watch the show (Oct. 31) and see more of the story.

First Day 2010

2010-09-08T16:40:00.000-07:00

Well- it is here again.... the first day of school!

This year, EVERYONE (except Mommy) is at the same school.

The kids were up early, sporting their new clothes. Before long, they had on their backpacks and were sitting on the couch ready to go!

When we got to school, both girls gave Daddy big hugs when we arrived at his classroom.

Austin was excited to be in his room by the recess door! When I asked him what he was looking forward to her said, "I might get to have THREE recesses!!" (Dream on buddy!)

Sierra & Savannah each headed to their classroom for a day of assessments and meeting friends. Their actual first day of school is not until next week. They were both very excited!

After school, we got ice cream!!! A special day = a special treat!

Someone asked Austin what his favorite part of the day was. He said, "Just being at school and with my teacher." Awwwww.

Sipping coffee

2010-09-03T00:34:00.000-07:00

I was driving down the highway and suddenly it hit me... I need to set up a coffee date with my best friend.

I love building relationships. Perhaps you know what I mean. I love curling up on the couch with a good friend, sipping coffee and asking questions. I absolutely LOVE asking questions and listening to people's answers. People are interesting! I learn so much! And the more I know someone, the more I like them. (Almost always, anyway.)

So I got to thinking about my best friend.

We have done some great things together lately. We have served, encouraged and helped others. We have played together with my family - fun stories! My best friend even taught me some amazing lessons about what it means to love God and love others. We have had a good summer.

And yet, suddenly it hit me... we need to have coffee. We (or maybe just I) have been so busy DOING, that I have not spent time KNOWING. I mean, doing is good. Serving is good. Loving is good. Yet, the more I KNOW, the more motivated I am to do, serve and love.

So....

Dear Jesus,
We need a date. Let's catch up.
I want to know you more.
The coffee's on.

Wet fun!

2010-08-26T16:02:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago we took a family camping trip to Wallowa Lake. Despite the unusually rainy weather- we had a great time! (The sun did shine now and then!)

We were blessed to stay in a yurt for the first time. It was pretty sweet! (Though, we do love our tent!) We were so thankful to not have to set up our tent in the rain upon arrival.

Highlights included: swimming & throwing rocks in Wallowa lake, playing in the creek, seeing "deers," riding bikes, S'mores around the campfire, the "fire ants" by our yurt, playing on the playground, using
"regular" flush toilets (Savannah's favorite,) and just being together.

On the long drive home, the kids kept asking to swim. So at 7:30pm, we pulled across the Columbia River into Washington. We let the kids go in the river with their clothes on. They were thrilled!

Rain, lake, creek, river = wet fun!

Fun summer

2010-08-25T00:33:00.000-07:00

Clearly, one highlight for my kids this summer was.... the new play structure!

The kids drew pictures of what they dreamed of in a play structure. Then, my amazing husband drew up plans and went to work!

He sawed, hammered and took many a trip to Home Depot. The whole family helped out... hammering, painting... and encouraging Daddy all along the way!

Last week, the kids strutted their stuff for Grandma and Grandpa- while wearing their special Sunday clothes!

Great times! I love my family!

Quick update

2010-08-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

We spent the last week serving at an elementary bible camp. Here is a quick overview...

Austin was a camper for Primary Camp (half the week)- his first overnight camp! Fortunately, Daddy was his counselor. They hit the pool twice a day. The water slide was a definite highlight!

Sierra & Savannah were fortunate to have times with their own personal assistant, Amanda. They swam, hiked, did crafts, and, of course, ate candy from the canteen! When I first met Amanda she was about the age of Sierra & Savannah. It is always fun to see kids grow into amazing young adults.

My highlight was an afternoon moment by the river... the same river Kerick was baptized in when he was a camper. I was prepping for my talk that evening, studying a familiar verse. I left that time excited about what the Lord taught me and gave me to share.

As always, I was thankful for the opportunity to lead music and worship. We met in the same room where Kerick and I were married almost ten years ago!

I am still processing lessons from the week. Hope to share more in depth later.

Hold me Accountable?

2010-08-10T22:06:00.001-07:00

Well- it has been almost a whole year since I updated this blog. And, though she does not know it, my niece inspired me to begin again. She has committed to update her blog once a week.

So, Leslie. I hereby take that challenge! (That you did not know you proposed!)

My new goal: one update a week. The idea is to provide at a least a quick update of our life. To provide insights, funny stories, and a glimpse into the adventures of the Adams' Family! I hope all you friends and family from far away can feel a bit more connected to us here in Oregon.

As usual, I am feeling a little overzealous....

I have been wanting to share recipes. I added a Facebook business page at "Carol's Cooking with Demarle." So far I have posted pics and a recipe. But it seems limiting. It appears that starting a blog for my business is the way to go. Then I can link my Facebook page to my blog.

So I hereby declare my second goal: one business update a week on my second blog. (Name yet to be confirmed!)

So- will you hold me accountable? Will you help me reach my goals? I respond well to encouragement!!

Looking forward to the year ahead!

Another Really Great Moment!

2009-09-16T23:48:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, my twin girls, Sierra & Savannah, had their first day of preschool. Same school they went to last year. Different teacher. Different classroom. Different time (afternoon instead of morning.) Get to ride the bus!!!

It was also their first day at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship.) This is totally new to them, since they have always had school in the mornings.

They put on their new school clothes with glee, grabbed their "bible bags," and headed out for the day.

We were so crazy that I did not even have time to open the living room curtains before we left. I did not even notice, but Savannah had cracked them open and set her favorite baby doll peeking out the window. As we got in the car, she said, "Baby Emma is maybe waving at me. She is maybe gonna miss me." We all looked at the window and waved. It was sweet!

Both girls loved BSF. Sierra was ready to head back the next day... I think she thought is was another VBS. (Vacation Bible School where we would go everyday for a week.)

I drove them to school for the first day. Sierra was "maybe gonna be a little shy" as she often does at first. We found their cubbies with their pictures on them. We read a book together and I headed out with them seemingly content.

Later I picked up Austin from school and spent some really wonderful one-on-one time with him. We worked on his reading and spelling homework. I am really proud of how hard he tries! He is doing great! He then grabbed two books for me to read on the front step as we waited for the girls to arrive on the bus. Such a pleasant time.

Pretty soon I heard the bus waiting to turn the corner onto our street. Next thing I knew, I was watching it pass on by! I grabbed my cell phone and waited to see what happened next. About a minute later, the home phone rang. They had the wrong house number and were turning around down the street!

The bus finally pulled up and the door opened. Savannah appeared first. She smiled and said, "I was sleeping!" Sierra appeared right behind. Both were sweaty but happy! They bounded off the bus and onto the grass. I kneeled down to hug them and they hugged me right down to the ground. Here is where the REALLY GREAT moment began...

Savannah sat on one side of my lap. Sierra on the other. Austin climbed the tree and then landed near us on the grass. We half sat, half laid there. We chatted. We cuddled. They wrestled and laughed. It was pure contentment. We were home. We were together. We just were.

I tried to snap some pictures... which was a challenge when they were literally sitting on me!
But I will never forget that moment.

It was just.... well, it just was.

A Really Great Moment

2009-09-16T22:45:00.000-07:00

Hey- I know it has been a LONG, LONG time since I have written. With that said, I write, now.

I have had two really great moments in the last week..

I waited outside the school, watching all the parents gather to see the precious faces of their little ones burst out of the doors after the first day. Frankly, it was a tad bit chaotic. All the parents and their dogs, cats, and small children converged by the gate. As the clock ticked, the crowds moved forward. Pretty soon I could barely see the door.

The thoughts began to race, "Would my precious 1st-day-1st-grader be trampled by the big-confident-2nd-graders?" (Most 3rd-5th graders come out a different door!) "Would he get flustered when the sun blinded him and he could not find his mommy?" "Would my two pre-school girls get lost in the shuffle?"

Before long, Austin appeared, shielding the sun from his eyes with his arm. Our eyes connected and my girls yelled. "Austin!" He ran to me, wrapped his arms around me and said, "First grade is SO great! I LOVE it!"

Now, keep in mind, Austin does hug us, but it was not until recently that he started hugging more spontaneously. I still remember "teaching" him to hug Daddy when he left for work. We would say, "put your arms around Daddy and squeeze." Also, he does not always know how to connect to his emotions. We are helping him to recognize when he is feeling something and learn how to express it appropriately.

So for me, this genuine expression of joy was pretty great!

We then went out for "special drinks." He chose the Icees at Target!

Later we got ice cream to celebrate both him and Daddy finishing their first day in a new grade.

Life is good!

Pondering Airport Interactions

2009-07-15T12:38:00.001-07:00

I love people watching!

Today I enjoyed a sandwich at the PDX food court. I watched airplanes out the window... a little. Mostly I watched people. I was most intrigued by the two families sitting near me. We'll call them Family A and Family B.

Mommy A enjoyed lunch with Big Brother A (age 6?), Little Brother A (age 4?), and Baby Sister A (baby!). I was impressed as she guarded their cart of various bags, car seats and a stroller. She munched on her healthy sandwich. She frequently interacted with the A Kids. She grabbed their Kids Meal bags and pointed to interesting words. You could see the gears of their brains turning as they sought to answer her intriguing questions. The A Family smiled together, interacted often, and seemed happy to be where they were... together.

Across the aisle, Mommy B appeared to be playing a game on her cell phone. (She was too slow to be texting... and not using her thumbs!!!) Big Sister B (age 10?) happily traced cursive letters into a workbook. I could tell that she was the kind of girl that made teachers like my husband happy.... the kind that loved doing their work, and wanted to do the best they could. Little Brother B (age 8?) had eyes focused on his Gameboy (or whatever they are called these days!) Mommy B, Sister B, and Brother B rarely smiled, did not interact with each other, and seemed like they would rather be somewhere else, yet they were making the most of their waiting time.

After awhile, Daddy A appeared and took his seat. Parents A had been "tag teaming" so they could each have their own Food Court selection. As he sat down, Brothers A greeted Daddy A. "Look at this Dad!" was among the comments. Before long, though, Daddy A was leaning back in his chair. Not distancing himself from the table, but distancing himself from the interaction. He happily interacted when Baby A cooed a "Daddy." He was not unwilling to interact, but perhaps preferred not to initiate it.

A few minutes later, Daddy B appeared. His self-focused and quiet Family B became a buzz of energy. Brother B put away his game, stood up and chattered as he looked at the plane out the window. Sister B showed Daddy B her work and challenged him to practice his own cursive on her pad. Mommy B smiled and interacted with everyone.... in between game turns. She even practiced her cursive when Daddy B was struggling. Before long, Daddy B, Sister B and Brother B went for a walk around the airport. Mommy B kept on with her game. (I am sure she was designated to watch their things, or perhaps she was just on a winning streak!)

Two different families. Two different sets of interactions.

Both families have a story behind what I saw. And I am not writing this to judge any of them.

What struck me was this: How do I interact with people?
Do I make eye contact and initiate conversation?
Am I happy to respond when others initiate interaction with me?
When I come into a group of people, what kind of energy do I bring with me?

Again, every person has his/her own story. Every day has its own story. There are moments I can't be pulled away from interacting. There are others moments I just want one minute to not interact. With everything, I think balance is important.

So, I will keep watching people interact.
I will keep pondering how I interact.

Will you ponder with me?

Lost and Found report!

2009-06-26T14:51:00.000-07:00

Savannah awoke in a pleasant mood today. Yet, before long, she remembered her "broken phone" and became very upset.

While I was in the shower, she opened the door and whined a few choruses, barely audible through the water stream. I hollered out, "Go look on your bed for your phone." (Since she needed to make her bed.)

A few minutes later, I stepped out of the shower, looked down, and saw the "broken phone" lodged between the step stool and the bathtub. I dried off and called her in to move the step stool.... A chorus of angels sang "Hallelujah!" as she retrieved her treasure!

Life is good, once again!

The Broken Phone

2009-06-25T21:43:00.000-07:00

So, the other day, we headed to our local cell phone store. We are those people still on two year contracts with our cell phone provider. So, roughly every two years, we head on over. Usually we just get whichever phone comes free.

But this year, we did it the day before my birthday. (Yes, I big birthday with a zero at the end.) Needless to say, my husband was feeling generous. So, I got to pick one that cost us, maybe $20!!! (Plus the car charger and the memory card that added to the bill.) It is a pretty color. I like that.

We don't text much. Take only a few pics. (I use my big camera for that!!) Don't use it to listen to music. We are old fogies in the phone world. We talk on it. We leave messages. This new phone does not even come with a single free game! Yet, it is the perfect phone for me. I even found a ring I like. (Do they call them"rings" anymore??)

Well, since we are such loving parents, we gave our kids our old phones. I even dug up my 4 year old phone so all three kids could have their own. We quickly taught them how to find the "ring" settings. Savannah begged us to show her the camera button. Then we sat back, smiled, and waited for the batteries to wear out.

Austin was disappointed that his had no camera. Although, he did get a screen with swimming fish on it. The juice ran out pretty quickly (it was the four year old phone!) But it still made a great toy. Well, that is, unless you are boy and choose to take the mildly broken hinge and rip it completely off! I guess he had fun!

Sierra promptly found "The Seven." The sound called "Ringtone 7" is a lovely song. She danced around to it like a ballerina, or pretended to be falling asleep to it. When she couldn't find it, she would say, "Where is the seven?" It was a crack up to watch. She then figured out how to plug it in and recharge it. Hmmm... that cord might have to disappear someday. We'll see.

Savannah, our phone talker, was in heaven the moment we gave the phone to her. "Mama, after rest time, can I have your 'broken phone' please?" She immediately began taking pictures, listening to sounds, and pretending to make calls. Sometimes the phone lived in one of her purses. Sometimes in a pocket. Often, it was just out, being used. She loved her 'broken phone!'

And then it happened.... the "broken phone" disappeared!! Savannah begged us all to help her look after dinner. We searched the patio, the back yard, the shed, her room, the bathroom, the living room... every room!!! Oh the tears! Oh the sadness! Oh my!!! She even asked to borrow Sierra's phone. Sierra refused. OH MY! You would have thought the world had ended!!!

Of course, I was a compassionate mom. I hugged her. I empathized. I helped her search. Finally, I urged her to get on her pajamas. She wanted her "cozy pajamas- with the feet." I, instead, found her some weather appropriate jammies and promised to cuddle with her instead. She slowly began getting going on her jammies... SOBBING all the way!

I immediately headed for the video camera. Yes, I did!! I can't wait until she is 16 and has lost her phone, again, and we capture her teen tantrum. I can hear it now... "Dad, stop it!" (I will pass the camera to him, of course!) Then, at a graduation party, or some special event, we will drag out the home movies (in whatever technological form they are in by then!) and relive the phone dramas! I can't wait!

I giggled as I captured her in all her loveliness!

After sobbing, and crying, and carrying on, (in front of the camera!) she looked up and said, "Will you walk away please because I am going to take off my shirt?" Oh, my modest child. I smiled as I walked away.

She is sleeping now. Probably dreaming of her precious "broken phone!"

A Great Guy!

2009-06-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

This is just a quick post to say that I really love my husband! He is a great dad... Happy Father's Day!

In the last two days he has done these amazing dad things: made breakfast, walked on snow, made projects involving pipe cleaners, rode bikes, fixed the light, took a nap, cuddled on the couch, held hands in the parking lot, read books, made a ponytail..... (and the list goes on.)

Gotta love him!

This is a pic from our trip to the coast in May. Kerick grabbed a sea star for the kids to check out! I wanted to include pics from today too, but it is late at night and I am working on going to bed earlier!

The Unthinkable

2009-06-15T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today, the unthinkable happened....
I was driving my posse home when my cell phone rang. I answered. I chatted, even as I pulled into our driveway.

Before I knew it, the kids had slammed their doors (which half the time they leave wide open) and run straight into the house. (The house door was unlocked, so they literally ran right in!) I followed, lugging my purse, some garbage, a water bottle, the snack bag... still chatting on the phone.

It was nearing "Rest Time," and I was so impressed with my kids. One went right in to "get poops out" (the pre-Rest Time ritual!) The others ran right to their rooms. I threw my garbage away, set down my purse, snack bag and water bottle, checked the poop in the toilet.... all while chatting on the phone! (No... the phone did NOT fall into the toilet.. it is worse!)

Still chatting, I popped my head into a bedroom to see my son quietly playing (a rare occurrence!) The one daughter was still finishing in the bathroom, and I went to the other bedroom to check on the third child.

Hmmm.... not there. I walked back out to the living room.... STILL CHATTING! "She must be playing (or hiding) in her brother's room," I thought. I turned to walk back in there.... still chatting- but about to hang up now.... when something caught my eye, running past the front window.

Then, in the front door walks my third child (4.5 years old.) Tears ran down her face. (AND I HUNG UP!!!) A little confused, I said, "What happened?" She said, rather calmly for her state of distress, "I was still in the car!"

I hugged her and cried my own tears. After grabbing her favorite blanket, we snuggled on the couch. I told her how sorry I was that this happened, and that I would make sure it would not happen again. She explained how she tried one door, but it did not work. Finally, she got another door open.

To say the least, I FELT AWFUL!

Later, I got all over analytical and philosophical about the whole thing:
First, I tried to imagine how scared she must have been. How alone. How sad.

Secondly, I realized how emotionally attached I was. This may sound weird. But to those who know my story, it may make a little sense. My children are very much MY children. Yet, they are not. I did not birth them. I did not choose their first names. There will always be "another mother." (Don't worry, I am not debating the idea of really makes a mother... just stating a fact.)

Sometimes, when other mom's say things about their kids, I cannot totally relate. I wonder, "Am I just old and cynical, or did I miss some special something?" I mean, I love them. I feel a bond with them. Yet, it is different.

Today, and a handful of times before, I felt that bond in a deeper way. This was my baby. I ached for her!

Thirdly, I was reminded once again that God is the only one who can guarantee that He will always be with us. He will never leave us or forsake us!

Isaiah 49:15 "Can a mother forget her baby?..... Even if these forget, I will never forget you." (from the Carol paraphrase.)

There is a wonderful song by Plumb called "In My Arms." It is a sweet song of a mother singing to her new baby. The chorus says:

Clouds will rage and

Storms will race in

But you will be safe

In my arms

Rains will pour down
Waves will crash around
But you will be safe
In my arms

Yet, with all respect to Plumb, I cannot sing it that way. I don't agree! There is absolutely NO WAY that I can guarantee that my children will be safe in MY arms. Frankly, I think it does them a disservice to teach them this. Yes, they need to trust that their parent will be there for them. Believe me, I have seen the affects of this. Yet, they are really only safe in the arms of our Lord. "In GOD'S arms," is how I sing along.

If this journey of singleness, infertility, foster care and adoption has taught me anything, it has taught me to hold my children with open hands. People say that all the time... it is a little cliche'. Yet, I totally get it! When your children of 14 months get sent to back to their "home," you are vividly reminded that they are not really your children at all. They are God's!

It is sooo important to me that my kids understand this: I love them and their dad loves them. Our job is to do our best to take care of them. They can trust us to do that. But most importantly, God loves them. HE will never forget them or forsake them. They can trust Him!!

And so, I wrote this little bedtime song for my kids, my precious gifts from God:

I love you, Austin, Sierra, Savannah (whoever I am singing to)

And God loves you too.

God will be with you whatever you do.

I love you, Austin, Sierra, Savannah,

And God loves you too.

God will take care of you!

Beauty out of Chaos

2009-06-13T14:59:00.000-07:00

The following quote was on my Starbucks cup yesterday: "The good mother is a great artist ever creating beauty out of chaos." (Alice Randall)

Later, it came alive to me as I attended an event that was, well, somewhat chaotic. In situations like these, I find myself first analyzing the situation. I am generally ok with chaos if I know there is someone "managing" that chaos. If I find no manager,then I generally assume the manager position. If I find a manager, but doubt their ability to manage such chaos, I quickly offer my services as an assistant manager.

Yet, this time, I did not want to be responsible. I did not want to put out the energy. I wanted nothing to do with the chaos. I was scared it would get out of control, and someone would get hurt. I did not want anyone I loved to get hurt. I did not want to be responsible when others got hurt. I just wanted to run away from the chaos.

It got me thinking about life and all it's chaos. There have been times in my life that have seemed more chaotic than others. Sometimes I have even wished I could run away.

Yet, I know that there is a great artist, a capable manager, overseeing my chaos. I can always trust Him to keep me safe amongst the messiness of life. The chaos may not go away. The messiness may remain. Yet, I can trust Him to make beauty out of my chaos.

Our Graduate!

2009-06-11T10:48:00.001-07:00

Well, he did it! Austin has officially made it through Kindergarten!

Austin started the day with breakfast on the "This is your day.. CELEBRATE" plate. He could actually read the first four words!!!

Then we headed to his "Graduation" Celebration... Let me say, I have never seen such a high ratio of cameras to people. You'd think these kids were celebrities! (Well, each one is to his/her own "people!")

The Class of 2021 (crazy!) sang some cute and touching songs.
They all announced what they want to be when they grow up. Austin has been practicing for weeks.... "A Fire Chief!" "A CERT Guy!" "An Ambulance Worker!" "An Artist!" But this week, he decided he wanted to be like one of his little buddies.... "An Army Guy!"

A pretty accurate likeness, I say!

Apparently, he was a little exhausted from all the excitement!

They finished with a favorite song... "Tootie Ta!"
They sang and danced around like a bunch of sillies! It was awesome!

Grandma and Grandpa then treated us to McDonald's
(Happy Meal... Grad's pick!)

What a great day!

The Raisin

2009-06-10T22:03:00.000-07:00

I was feeling like "Holly Homemaker" this morning as I tended to the laundry. I opened the door of our front loading washing machine. More often than not, when I do this, I find treasures resting near the door... a "hair pretty," a penny, a foam sticker, or whatever made its way into a pocket of a child.

Today was no different. I opened. I looked. I saw... a treasure. A raisin. A big, juicy, water-filled raisin. You know how they get when they are water logged. Remembering our recent oatmeal breakfast, I marveled at how such a treasure made this exciting journey.

I grabbed a handful of wet laundry in one hand. With the other hand, I went for the raisin. I reached out and gently squeezed my fingers around the treasured fruit. This water-logged treat must have lost all its fiber in the spin cycle. I mean, it was squishy!

It did not take long, as you might have guessed, to figure out this one thing... what I thought I was dealing with, was not at all what I was dealing with. Oh no. Not at all! As I considered putting my finger to my nose, just to confirm my suspicion, I blurted out, "It's not a raisin. It's a poop!"

You have TWO choices...

2009-06-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I found myself lugging my shopping cart through the grocery store. All three kids clamored for a spot on the edge of the cart, Jamba Juice cups in hand. (Mama knows to have children well snacked before such a trip!)

Not long into our journey, in the dairy product aisle to be exact, the whining started. I quickly remembered the words of our family therapist as she recently challenged us to try something new. So, being the good student, I repeated the mantra.... "You have two choices..... You may stand quietly at the cart, or sit on the floor until you calm down."

At least four times this trip (I lost count,) I found myself standing in the middle of the grocery aisle, smiling, while my sweet girl screamed on the floor. My other two cuties were quickly losing their patience, turning the shopping cart into a jungle gym. Fellow shoppers passed by: Some smiling, some avoiding eye contact, and some pushing their sweet, well-mannered children as if to say, "My child would never act that way!" I had to laugh as some passed us more than once, sitting in different aisles each time. And yet, with each aisle, I persisted... "You have two choices!"

I found myself wishing for a latte, or a bubble bath, or at our house... 2 minutes alone in the bathroom! I knew this was my moment. I had two choices!!!! I could lose my patience and join in the grumpy attitude game, or I could calmly stand firm.

I believe I made the right choice. (Although, as time got later, I knew it would not be long before all four of us were grumpy from hunger!) I remained calm. I praised my children when I could. I remembered almost all the ingredients I needed for dinner. Later, I reheated leftovers instead... with a willing heart!!

At times like this, I remember that this is what I prayed for! This is my dream come true! I asked God to provide these beautiful children. Will I not persist in parenting them with a willing heart?

With a Willing Heart

2009-06-07T15:00:00.001-07:00

We recently adopted a Family Motto, so to speak...
"Right Away, All the Way, With a Willing Heart!"

With our children, they are praised for following directions "Right Away, All the Way, With a Willing Heart!" Of course, no one can be forced into a Willing Heart. Yet, we seek to affirm this attitude, and thus grow it in our children.

I have been thinking a lot about the state of my heart. How willing am I? Am I willing to answer my child's question for the 27th time? Am I willing to bite my tongue when I am frustrated? Am I willing to thank the Lord for my precious children, when they are whining in the middle of the night, again?

Most importantly, am I willing to be the kind of person God wants me to be? If I am.... if I truly seek the right attitude, how willing am I to follow His directions? Do I obey God "Right Away, All the Way, With a Willing Heart??"

I hope to share parts of this journey of my heart. I am new to this blogging thing and have no idea how often I will share. (Or if anyone will want to read it!) In any case... here I go... with a Willing Heart!!!